The Digital Domino

So I heard this week the Iron Man suit went missing. I have a special history with that suit. I'll include a link to the story here: http://www.indiewire.com/2018/05/iron-man-suit-stolen-robert-downey-jr-1201962372/ Thing is, we have a history, me and Mark III. Let me tell you it. I was super, super fortunate to have a friend working on the film. Apparently, some guy didn't show up/sucked really bad as a security production assistant (a feat which is remarkable - more on that later). Anyway, he was able to float my resume to the right person and I was in! I remember when I came in to interview, it was my first big film set, and I almost lost it. Caves! Airplanes! Tony's Stark's HOME! I felt like a kid in a candy store. The lot itself is pretty amazing – it’s the Playa Vista studios hanger – which was once the aircraft hanger where Howard Hughes designed the Spruce Goose I’m told. I was informed this was serendipitous and the location was chosen due to...

So my gastro - entronologist (professionally known as a Butt Doctor because no one, including myself, can spell worth a gastroentronologist's occupation) vanished. Like a fart in the wind. (More of these puns are coming.) I had to go see a NEW butt doctor, who told me my OLD doctor was doing all the wrong butt stuff. I was taking the right medication, "but" he said, (multiple times with varying numbers of the letter T) I might be taking it through the incorrect entry point. I accept and acknowledge that there are people who would not be upset to hear this information, but, uh, I was. Horrified? No, I've eaten Brooke's She-Crab Soup, so it's not THAT bad. But upset? That's fair. the doctor said he was going to give me enemas to do myself for a month. That's about the third most horrible thing you can hear from a doctor. I think it goes 1.) Mortal Disease 2.) Amputation 3.) Insert this capsule/squeezy bottle of liquid into your bumhole.  Yes. His name, a...

So this week, I had a plan - I had the opportunity to see something that NO ONE really gets to see - something that unites people all over the world - something that makes you feel small, but also somehow connected to everyone else on this orb-ish shaped rock rotating around the sun: Sakura - my favorite Japanese restaurant which just reopened about two days ago! While I was there, I also checked out the eclipse.  So, without adding much science (which I can't do anyway, because math) I will tell you that I have experienced an eclipse before - when I was in elementary school. It wasn't a total eclipse, it was a partial reason for me not to be in a classroom. I stared at a small shadow box that showed a tiny sliver of the sun, partially blocked by the moon. At the time, my pea brain was barely capable of processing everything that I'd seen. My brain is now hundreds of times more complex and beautiful, and it was equally unable to process the gravity of what was hap...

Today's adventure is a colonoscopy. Usually, I want people to laugh at these weird things that life throws at us, because they're silly. Not today. Today, I want you all to suffer with me. As such, this particular anecdote will be permeated with poo puns. You have been warned. From what I gather, colonoscopies are bad. The reason for that isn't actually the colonoscopy. Lets say you go to the doctor and he checks your prostate. You dislike this because you feel a little like maybe this Doctor has gotten a bit further into your personal space than you would like.  With the colonoscopy, you feel bad because all of the bad things you get to do to YOURSELF. If you met a grizzled veteran who'd lost a limb during a war and told him you were about to have a colonoscopy, he would look you over with his eyes, very much the same way someone might attempt to check out an attractive woman, except exactly the opposite. He looks you over as if to say, " I want to reme...