The Digital Domino

Ah, the cruise. The penultimate summer vacation. A trip on a cruise boat by its very nature implies beaches, sun, and good times. And I just took my first step into a larger world. As many of you know, my international travel has been very limited. The only foreign cities I have visited in my life were Mumbai, India and Detroit, Michigan. But this time, I was set to sail for the Bahamas! To set this up for you, this trip was arranged by my office – onboard the Celebration Cruise line which I can only assume was named the moment the first group of travelers disembarked from that lumbering vomitorium. But I’m getting ahead of myself talking about that tanker – let's start from the beginning. The dock was tucked away in a shipyard and industrial park which was delightfully cheery in the same way as Shawshank Prison – lots of personality: old stone walls and decorative fences with delightful flowers of barbed wire for trimming. I assume the purpose of said fences was the same as...

I went to Star Wars Celebration, and I feel the need to tell you about it and provide you with an honest, clear review of this event. You have been warned. Firstly, are you a fan of Star Wars ? I don't mean "Yes, I saw some of those. They were good." I'm not referring to the people who have seen each and every single film, some more than once. I'm not even talking to people who have a plush taun-taun, or that 'one really rad shirt from the first film in Japanese.' If you are one of these people, congratulations, you are well adjusted, have a strong appreciation for a culturally significant movie, and probably go to therapy for other reasons. Also, if you're a casual fan and live nearby, sure, give it a shot, maybe take a day trip to check some stuff out. If you wake up every morning in Star Wars sheets and eat Kellogg's C-3PO's  from a vintage 1997 Special Edition Re-Release Box with a light up lightsaber spork, DO I H...

I'm going to start reviewing stuff. Disclaimer: I offer no explanations and do not guarantee results or accuracy. I am an expert in nothing, except, perhaps milkshakes and additional ways to use RAIN-X. Let's move on.  Today's review is GIRL SCOUT COOKIE CEREAL. I know what you're thinking, "Who, in the world, NEEDS Girl Scout cookies for breakfast?" That is a fair question. "Especially in cereal form, when you could just eat Girl Scout: the cookie, like our ancestors did?" Today, we will attempt to answer these questions. There are two types of cereal I've come across: Thin Mint and the Caramel/Coconut one that isn't called a Samoa Cereal, which is upsetting to both The Ancient Ones and six year old children who can't read well and don't know what caramel means. Points lost there.  Let's begin with the Not Samoa Cereal. Scientists worked tirelessly to create this Frankenstein's monster, built with the mind o...

This, my friends, is the first donut day in an election year! Donut Trump! Bagel Sanders, and Boston-Creme-Fillery Clinton!  But enough cheap shots at the politicians - let's talk about the real issue: Who are you voting for? Are you in favor of Torus Reform? Are you Repubagel, or a Doughmecrat? And what in god's green hell are you going to eat at the damn Tea Party?  Probably Tea Biscuits, but this is America!  We've got to do it our own way! On the one hand, change is good!  Look at the new Croissant Donuts! That's almost an independent party, which is BRILLIANT. Doughbama would agree with me here, I think, as would the folks on the other side of the baked good section, when I say working together is key*! Glazed or powdered? Why does it have to be so polarizing? A donut has no poles, no north or south. It's a solid whole, and so too, should we be! We're all people. Perhaps the answer is Powdered AND Glazed. That's why our mornings have two differ...

Well, years have passed since we were last all together for Digital Domain Donut Day - but I'd like to think that on days like today, we all sit back and remember the powdered puffs our pixelated pals provided. Obviously Digital Domain is gone - soon to be replaced by a church. This gave me an idea. Why not make Donut Day not just a national holiday, but a spiritual one?  We celebrate a multitude of spiritual holidays - ALL IN DECEMBER! Why not have one mid-year? On All-Donut's Eve, you could prepare the unleavened treats and reflect. That bit in the middle that's missing is symbolic of the small piece of all of us we seek our entire lives. That little thing that we lack.  The missing pastry is people, of course - your friends and family you love, but you've forgotten about since the previous serious of pastry packed holidays*! So what does that mean? Well, firstly, every other holiday has a meal - Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Seder all of dinners. Easter ...

It’s true. I have red hair. This has proved unfortunate. The sun and I don’t see eye to ‘x-class coronal mass ejection.’ The sun is more of a flame thrower stuck on the ‘red haired’ setting for me. I told you that so I could tell you this: BREAD. I brought it. But this is special holiday bread. You’ve guessed it. It’s gingerbread flavored bread, or gingerbread bread, which I guess means it’s really just gingerbread in the traditional sense, before gingerbread became a flavor and was just ginger* flavored bread. Or something. So yes, the rumors are true. I am the  ginger bread man . Anyway, enjoy this delicious holiday treat – best served hot with a cup of coffee or hot chocolate, but really quite delicious served cool. * DISCLAIMER: ChrisCo Baking Delivery, LLC makes no claim as to the authenticity of this ginger. It may very well be simply ‘ginger-flavored bread and not true gingerbread.’

Time to get fresh wit' it. It's been a year since the last donut day, and I imagine for many the memory of the event has faded to a dim memory. I'm here to bring those memories flooding back like a donut to the face shot from a tank full of monkeys while on fire, except more exciting and with sugar. FRIDAY DONUT DAY! Now it's a once-a-year NATIONAL HOLIDAY TRADITION! Honor this day! This is a time to remember donut days past - peer through the donut hole back in time and remember the donuts.  Sure, there were a lot of them, but I bet you don't really remember them - instead you remember the friend who dropped one in the server room that accidentally caused the Isilon server to lose 20% of its storage space, or the one the one you had outside while smoking with your friends that accidentally caught on fire, or the one you and your friends shot with a gun and totally scored a bullseye with, if only there had been some dough up in that nut!  But there wasn't! ...