The Digital Domino

PART I: THE BASICS Now we're on to the ACTUAL REVIEW! What's it like to drive a Tesla, for the average joe? I'm not a man who drives a BMW 3 series, or a Mercedes, or an Audi. Or a Lexus. Or an Acura. I don't have the latest Mazda 6 series. I have a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD Honda Accord. I imagine a large number of Tesla drivers will be coming from a similar experience - so I want to share what it's like moving from a car to an electric-powered rocket with wheels, airbags, and the most advanced cupholders I've ever seen. Here's the car. It's smaller than I thought, has no power, and I can't get the trunk open. A model Model 3. If I paid it to wear clothes, It would be a model model Model 3. As for the ACTUAL car: First, you gotta get INTO the thing. You walk up to it with cellphone in pocket, push in on a block bit which pops the handle out, pull the handle, and climb in. So far, I've noticed that this works 95% of the time. 5% of the time...

PART I: THE MYSTERY BOX I have been driving a 2003 Honda Accord, a white one, for about ten years now. Have you ever been to a local mini-sized fair, where all the rides are really for five to ten year old children? But you decide you're obligated to go anyway, so you hop on the teacups. The teacups are stained with the vomit of hundreds of kids across a dozen years. The paint is has chipped off, so the smiling Mad Hatter now looks like the Joker, if someone told the Joker that purple striped suits were *OUT* and he cried so hard his makeup ran down to his chin.  So you're on this old ride, toned down to make it more comfortable for the young and the elderly. Age has taken some speed from an already less than thrilling ride. You give it a few spins, but you're resigned to the fact that, at best, this ride will make you mildly nauseous. You stop spinning it and wait for it to end and watch other people walking around the park as you slowly rotate towards them, then a...