The Digital Domino

Applications, applications everywhere!  I have been looking all over for fresh employment!  Unfortunately, most companies fail to recognize that A.) I won Time Magazine's person of the year in 2006* (a fact I proudly  include on my resume) and that B.) Supreme Lord Commander, Donut Operations is a perfectly legitimate and neigh unmatchable job title. Don't judge me, bro! We've all worked our resume's a bit.  I know how the game works.  Janitor becomes 'Refuse Management Disposal Engineer.'  Job descriptions can be easily improved.  For example, I once sent an email to Venice - solid gold there: 'Interoffice digital communication management duties...' goes right on the resume, just under 'Playboy' and above 'Chief of Moonbase Operations.'  I wish I had expanded my moonbase operations, limiting myself to only one extra-planetary endeavor was a mistake.  I should have at least included Utah.  Utah counts. I guess the real secret to

Someone assassinated one of the doughnuts.  Authorities are currently investigating.  The question is, who dough-nit?  The evidence?  Firstly, a dougnut with a big ole' hole right in the middle of it.  A sticky red jelly coated the box beneath it.  So who pulled the trigger on this whole mess?  The shady looking dude who secretly had a relationship with the butler?  The shy, but unassuming maid with the dark childhood secret?  Some guy from Montana? I don't know.  What I do know is the best and the brightest are on the case, and if not them, the city is.  Why do they care so much? What possible reason could the police have to look into this as thoroughly as a record collector digging for a collectible UB-40* album?  The answer is easy.  POLICE LOVE DOUGHNUTS.  I don't know about you, but that brings a warm feeling to my heart, in quite the same way as the overcooked canned green beans I purchased from Sam's club one midsummer's eve have been. So there he l