The Case of the Missing Suit

So I heard this week the Iron Man suit went missing. I have a special history with that suit. I'll include a link to the story here:

http://www.indiewire.com/2018/05/iron-man-suit-stolen-robert-downey-jr-1201962372/

Thing is, we have a history, me and Mark III. Let me tell you it.

I was super, super fortunate to have a friend working on the film. Apparently, some guy didn't show up/sucked really bad as a security production assistant (a feat which is remarkable - more on that later). Anyway, he was able to float my resume to the right person and I was in! I remember when I came in to interview, it was my first big film set, and I almost lost it. Caves! Airplanes! Tony's Stark's HOME! I felt like a kid in a candy store.

The lot itself is pretty amazing – it’s the Playa Vista studios hanger – which was once the aircraft hanger where Howard Hughes designed the Spruce Goose I’m told. I was informed this was serendipitous and the location was chosen due to the obvious parallels between Stark and Hughes, but that sounds like marketing jargon to me – it’s just a good studio with a lot of space.

There are cool props scattered around – 'Transformers' still has a bit of stuff there (I think it was a really old ship/boat? Memory is hazy, and obviously no pictures to jog my memory). Also, there are breakable bricks there – they literally crumble in your hands! I am given one to punch, and a I destroy it. It really does make you feel like a super hero!

Across the lot, James Cameron is shooting ‘Avatar.’ No one will say anything about this production. It’s Level 5 Top Secret. I only saw Cameron come in once – he arrived early and left late, and was considered one of the most demanding folks on set. I heard several legends about the man’s dedication and standards while I was there, but those are tales for another Reddit Post.

So on my first day, I have gate duty. There are technically 3 gates - one over where all the Star Wagons are, one out front, and one at the very front of the lot. I was assigned to the one out front - the 'fence' gate. They hand me a clipboard and a radio and tell me to check badges of every person who walks through that gate.

So the first day, a group of dudes on motorcycles roll through. I try to stop them, but they basically flip me off and woosh by me. I radio it in! "Bandits at three o'clock!" I am politely informed that those are the special effects crew that the director, Jon Favreau, also used for 'Zathura' and those motorcycles were a gift from him for their awesome job. I'm told not to mess with them.

Fine.

The next day, a couple more people in old fashioned wood panel wagons go by. I am told they work in payroll and finance, and not to fuck with them unless I want my paycheck to be 'accidentally' sent to Afghanistan. fair enough.

Then I stopped the director's car.

Never stop the director's car. You KNOW why.

Anyway, after a lot of radio chatter, I'm starting to feel a lot less like a Secret Service agent (a big stretch, considering at this point I'm a really twiggy guy in a t-shirt and shorts wearing an earpiece) and more like a mime stuck in a security box. The folks in security tell me not to worry, and just to stop "photographers and terrorists and stuff."

The next day, I'm working the back gate. And the unthinkable happens.

Literally photographers and terrorists. I radio this in. "Oh." They say. "They're supposed to be there."

I throw my clipboard in one direction, throw my radio in another, leave one of the other security PA's at the gate, and get waffles.

After a brief discussion with the head security guy, we reevaluate our structure and figure out who can come in without a badge. I'm moved to the back gate for a while. The holding area is a little wooden box with a roof and a folding chair. Over time, I become adept at politely getting people to remember their badges - or to have them reissued if necessary. (Remember, this movie is pre EVERYTHING, so the security, while tight, isn't insurmountable).

The days begin later and later, mostly due to some union rule about giving folks at least X hours for sleep and rest. Folks start to get restless, and nights become dull.

Now, I know the rules about working with celebrities. Don't talk to them. Don't make eye contact, never feed them after midnight, etc.

For the most part, these actors are really cool guys! My favorite up until this point is Jeff Bridges, who appears to just be a bald version of The Dude, riding around the lot, showing off a Segway he seems pretty fond of. Occasionally he greets me with a, “Hey, man!” which is pretty cool, but seeing him bald gave him a bit of a different vibe. Anyway, he's still awesome, and I wish I could have had conversations with him about regular every day stuff! I doubt he’d recognize me or even know my name – but he was a great guy.

As I gain a small amount of respect, the folks in props issue/give an extra badge to myself and a friend -a police badge (screen used? I don't know). Along with what I think is a Stark Industries Press Pass. At one point in the call sheet, are job titles are listed as ‘Man of Action.’ To this day, that was the proudest moment of my life, and by far the best job title I’ve ever had.

I told you that so I could tell you this: One day Terrance Howard comes over – the wooden booth is EXACTLY NEXT to the costume trailer – and he’s looking for the costume folks. I tell him I don’t know where they are.

Terrance hops (literally hops) right into the booth, borrows my prop badge and sends me off to find them. I watched for a minute while he humorously stopped EVERYONE with his new found authority and power.

At one point, I seem to recall his family came in to visit the set. They walked right in. I remember calling on the radio, asking what I should do. Absolutely no one in security has any idea what to do. The same thing happens with Paltrow’s S/O.

Anyway, we’re here to talk about the suit. Let’s talk about Iron Man.

The first things I’ve heard is that someone TRIED to make off with one of the Mark III helmets (and failed) and that the codpiece for the Mark III is missing – that myself and another guy found stashed in the sewer/gutter type set where Bridges has his big evil suit hidden.

Right after that, we go to a more complete 24 hour security, including a proper guard and two night security P.A.s – one person usually hangs around the outside, doing rounds, and the other person sits with the suit and the big Jeff Bridges suit. They’re up on a tall set, which I believe is the glass roof over the giant Arc Reactor (there is no arc reactor below).

I’m familiar with this set. I’m comfortable with it. While RDJ is shooting his scenes hanging from the roof, I’m standing right underneath him. He’s wearing the Iron Man armor over his shoulders and red spandex the rest of the way down. I’m doing my best to maintain a respectful distance, but it’s a glass roof, so everyone now and again he looks down and sees me. I give my least/most awkward smile and move on. RDJ is super chill.

I briefly remember seeing them shoot the scene on the rooftop. They did a bunch of scenes with a bunch of different dialogue. The rough audio sounded terrible – plus, having never seen movie magic, I wasn’t sure how cheesy the film was supposed to be. I thought the movie might suck, but I really liked the people, so I SUPER wanted it to succeed!

So I take a book and sit down and watch the suit. This isn’t the ACTUAL suit (that’s a few feet away in a special container). I think it was a ‘dummy’ they probably used for lighting. It’s lying on a small black cot, hands folded across it’s chest, head facing me.

This is weird. So I start reading – I don’t remember what it was – probably some old but awesome science fiction book. Anything to stay awake. This can go on for upwards of 10 hours. After 10 hours, though, you start to lose your shit. So you start talking to the suit. “The lighting in here sucks. They should put better light up here.” “The security guy’s coming around. I’m going to get a soda. Do you want a soda?”

I’m pretty sure I brought the Iron Man suit a soda at some point. I probably finished it for him.

The black closet/box thing with the suit belongs to Stan Winston, who I saw ever so briefly one day. Mostly the guy managing the suit is an awesome man by the name of Shane, I believe. He’s in control of it, and he’s all business. Again, he was demanding, but I liked him. Very professional, and holy crap, did their work on that suit pay off. I saw him again a few years later at the grocery store - I think it was in Sherman Oaks, but I can't remember for sure. Alas, he clearly did not recognize me, but was very polite.

Anyway, on some nights, I’m on wander around duty, which seems awesome! I get to check out all the sets! I look at each one, marveling at the equipment, preparing to ask questions (I desperately want to speak to ILM, because working for them is one of my absolute DREAM JOBS). I remember visiting Tony Stark’s cave – though not understanding what was going on at the time because they’d shot that scene before I got there. I remember sitting on Tony Stark’s bed – and having a sandwich in his living room alone at night. I remember visiting Stark’s private jet. There’s a separate area with Terrance Howards black truck (I assume this was in a scene that wasn’t used?) and Stark’s Audi - I think it was an R8. This is car is AMAZING. The hood of one of the cars has a smashed handprint, but the car is just about the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. At this point, there are basically NONE of them on the road (they may not even be available yet!) I remember seeing it (and HEARING IT) drive by. As a poor, poor Honda Accord owner, it sort of represented my dreams. Maybe one day I could make it big and be a Tony Stark. As of right now, about 8 people have read this blog, ever. So obviously that didn't happen.

The thing I remember most, though, was riding around the lot on one of the bikes. The bike has a ‘Stark Industries’ logo on it (just like the crew polo, which I never got, and the crew HAT, which I still own to this day!). The nights in Los Angeles are dry and the temperatures great! So I’d cruise around the set, inside an out, just looking out for folks.

I did that as often as I could. Until I got a flashlight.

So, Los Angeles is dry and the temperatures are great! But – the old wood and corrugated metal remain ever so slightly rotted and damp. One night I got some crap on myself while doing rounds around the outside of the set. I pulled out my flashlight and discovered the most terrifying thing I have ever seen.

HUNDREDS of black widows. Black widow spiders EVERYWHERE. No, this is not a reference to the character. These were small, shiny, black spiders. And at night, they were EVERYWHERE. Thousands of them. I had never seen one before, and now I was literally surrounded. I started to spot them on the inside of the set too.

After that, I started spending a LOT more time inside with Iron Man.

I remember one really, really crazy incident. I worked an overnight, but they were short for the day shift, so I worked the next ENTIRE DAY - and then they needed someone OVERNIGHT AGAIN. I drift off once or twice, but somehow, thanks to the other guys, make it through!

Exhausted, I hope in my car and drive home. It's Saturday. Traffic is light. My roommate is now on his way into work, with a few stops along the way. Upon arriving home, I realize he's locked the door on me. I have no way of getting inside. I fall asleep. On the grass. In the yard in front of our apartment. 

UNTIL! I get a call. For some reason, SOME REASON, they need me to open the gate. They can't get hold of anyone else, and they need to get in to SHOOT. On a SATURDAY. WHY?!?!

So I haul my ass up. I drive 30-45 more minutes, now with extra traffic, back to Playa Vista from my tiny one bedroom shared apartment in South Pasadena. Only one other security guy is there. I open the gate.

There are almost NO people there. None. At all. I walk around the set. I briefly sit down on Iron Man's bed. I fall asleep instantly for about 5 minutes. Realizing this was just the worst idea, I get up and keep moving.

At some point, I made it to the airplane set. It's set up exactly like a REAL airplane! They even have those little kits with airplane goods. Like sleeping masks. And earplugs.

And someone had left the earplugs out.

At 10 AM, after about three days with no sleep, I get up from my seat on the plane. I take these bright orange earplugs and head to props. There's an ENORMOUS fan in there - one of those epic fans I assume they use to generate wind or something. It's on. But in front of it? A glorious rolled up carpet. I lay down on the glorious rolled up carpet.

Word on the street is it took over 5 minutes of near constant shaking to wake me up. I was greeted by special coffee (from Starbucks, which at this point in my life, I've never been able to afford and had never had - they didn't even exist in my town back home). I am told that today is a special scene. A secret scene. A scene with one bad motherfucker in it. I stick around just long enough to catch the tiniest glimpse... and then I'm gone.

Rumors of this scene spread, but I told everyone that they're just dreaming it - that I was there that day, and I didn't see them shoot ANYTHING (which is technically true.) I didn't think much of it until the movie came out and I saw the scene and what they were doing - the most awesome thing ever, methinks.

Anyhow, like all good things, the production wound down and the film wrapped. I remember the wrap party, and seeing some of the starts dancing (along with a few other celebrities, including Justin Long, who was also very nice in the brief conversation I had with him). I never gushed over any of the celebrities and just treated them like people, which they are. I stopped averting my eyes and just treated them professionally.

I remember I went back to work in wardrobe for a while after they wrapped – those folks were also really cool. I remember once I brought them lunch, but it didn’t have enough hot sauce, and they were a bit pissed about that. I often wonder if I could have worked in wardrobe if it hadn’t been for that hot sauce. I really liked those folks, too. I liked pretty much everyone except for one P.A. who was kind of a dick. I don’t remember his name – but he came off like Stifler from the American Pie films. I guess he was OK, and he would have been funny, but I was the brunt of his jokes perhaps one time too many.

Anyway, thanks to asking a lot of good questions of the people at ILM, I got a small job as a P.A. at a VFX house doing commercials and music videos (mostly coffee and tea making, plant watering, etc. – nothing cool).

I remember getting my invite to the screening – the crew was there, all my friends were there (and were now working on Indiana Jones) and being BLOWN AWAY! I LOVED that movie! And I remembered all of those sets! It was invigorating!

I went to see it a SECOND time at a special showing somewhere near Santa Monica, I think – and RDJ and Jon Favreau showed up! They said a few bits – and went to sit in the back. There were a bunch of really great previews… and then a really, really sad ad for some charity or another. I remember Jon Favreau screaming “WAY TO KILL THE MOMENTUM, GUYS!” To which everyone laughed. That time, the movie blew me away EVEN MORE.

Anyhow, after that, I almost worked on converting Iron Man to 3D (which would have been AMAZING, BTW, for a lot of reasons that need to be in a different Reddit Post). I worked on Thor briefly as a Production Coordinator.

After Digital Domain went under in Florida, I briefly worked on Iron Man 3 (another reddit post). I don’t think RDJ remembered me, but I made a lot of great friends, had a wonderful time, and really, really loved the work. I was also much more confident. On occasion, Marvel called me for special stints in Orlando handling secret files and such. I loved doing that – and I got to see Marvel stuff waaaay early. I loved it. I took my job seriously and worked really hard to be firm but kind – the security guy usually isn’t anyone’s favorite. Some folks lost their jobs and I deleted a LOT of pictures from phones.

Finally, I got to work as a producer and writer for some Marvel theme park attractions. I worked directly with Marvel, the park owners, and a company. I LOVED THAT. So much. Unfortunately, that job also ended.

Marvel sort of made me who I am! I miss working for them. I never did get a shot at Industrial Light and Magic (though I’d still kill to work with those folks!). Marvel gave me my first shot, rescued me when Digital Domain went out of business, and helped me write and develop the absolute coolest stuff I’ve ever done.

Sadly, there’s really no easy way to bounce back into the industry, or into Marvel. You can’t just call Victoria Alonso to see what’s up (though I tried to look into it after Digital Domain collapsed). Kevin Feige won’t recognize me. Jon Favreau probably wouldn't (the man looked awful stressed during Iron Man, and was waaay too cool by Iron Man 3 for me to casually chat with). RDJ might (especially after Iron Man 3) but it’s not like I can just call him up.

So for now, I just really, really cherish my time working at Marvel. I loved those guys. I didn’t really know Marvel before Iron Man, but now I have a very special fondness for him. I even have an Arc Reactor replica sitting on my desk – not to remind me of how awesome the movies are, but to remind me of my time on that set and all the friends I’ve made (and a few that I’ve very sadly lost).

Anyway, that’s why I’m going to be REALLY pissed if that armor is gone. I have a special relationship with it, I guarded it with my spider-venom fearing LIFE, and I snuck into the craft truck at night to have sandwiches, Ice Cream, and soda while sitting next to that suit for hours—DAYs at a time. I like to think the suit finally woke up and rocketed it's ass off somewhere - probably to Norway, because the weather is nice and they love alternative energy. But who knows? Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll be reading ME a story.

One never knows what might happen in the Marvel Universe.