Stick it To Em'!

Another week of staring at my email. Another week waffling between 'yea, I could totally be captain of a tall ship for a living' and 'I'm not qualified to be a janitor in an abandoned sewer pipe. I don't know what to do!'  That's all been fun.
But, there's still the poor man's donut.  Little Debbie, bless her ageless face and stupid hat, she sits on the box of a hundred different snacks that will be here long after mankind has nuked itself into oblivion and cockroaches have started to set up crude democratic republics across our sprawling land.  Little Debbie has the aptly named donut stick.  They come in a plastic package, a window into another world - a world where donuts are FOREVER.

Look at that box.  Doesn't that look delicious? A perfect cup of coffee in a perfect mug, next to a pair of donuts.  I imagine kids, in their infinite wisdom, complained about the missing bit in the middle - they wanted a whole donut.  So the company wisely chose a shape that children everywhere can identify with: The stick. Think about it: Kids always have sticks, they play with them, bring them inside, and whack things with them.  They always have sticks where they shouldn't.  Sticks could be ray guns, a horse, a sword, the wheel of a motorized carriage, a horse, sometimes even a stick.  And the most tempting part? Parents don't want kids to have them, which only makes kids want stick MORE!  There you have it. Marketing BRILLIANCE.  And, for the adults, a cup of coffee, because why get up in the morning, ever?  Also, they remain in their hard, stick like form forever, which makes them ideal sticks for which to 'switch' unruly children or reward them for good behavior.   Greatest product ever? You be the judge.  Give three or four to a child. Once the sugar rush begins, throw em' outside for a while. They may begin to jump on the roof, climb pine trees, or dig twelve foot holes into the ground, this is a natural reaction to the sugar.  Then they will fall asleep for twelve hours. Bring them inside, throw them in bed, have a coffee and a donut stick, and stay up all night watching Matlock reruns in peace.  This may, in fact, be the greatest product ever.