The Digital Domino

Friday, February 24th, 2012 You know, I recently ordered a television from an online retailer I'm lead to believe is in the jungle somewhere.  The box arrived safely, however the television I ordered did not - it looked like someone took a hammer to the middle of the screen. I take some small comfort in   knowing that someone, somewhere, thought even my T.V. would look better as a bagel. The incident, however, got me to thinking about how things are delivered - so I thought I'd explain the process of bagel delivery to you: A group of bakers head down to the docks with   wrapped dough in plastic and throw it into the ocean (Some of it isn't wrapped. That's where the 'salt' bagels come from).  As they sink, the enormous pressure* crushes  the bagels into form, whilst the yeast causes them to expand into delicious rings.  Once enough air as been generated by the yeast and the bagels have been formed and cooked by the intense ocean pressure, the ...

Friday, February 17th, 2012 Doughology, the studio of sweetened pastries - like   Kremus-Fillus Donutus , mightiest of all donuts - it combines glaze, donut, and filling (three   areas of study in their own right, let me tell you) to create one all knowing omnidonut.  With so much to learn, why   are there no donut classes?  There's Donut History, including previously mentioned Dunking practices by Hollywood celebrities, the donut press, and the invention of the Henry Ford style donut assembly lines for efficiency. There's   19th Century Donut Studies, including Fasnachts and Croquembouches and potato-based donut preparations, and we could even offer classes on Astro-sprinklology - the use of sprinkles to   determine what your day is going to be like.* There could be science experiments, culinary classes, business development via interdepartmental donut-resource sharing, and so much more!  I actually have somewhere a ni...

Friday, February 10th, 2011 Doughnuts cannot be created or destroyed - they can only change form.  That's the LAW!  In my various academic studies of movie sub-plots, I've discovered another element that also is   indestructible due to a physics technicality - LOVE*!  Love conquers all.  What with   Valentine's Day around the corner, I bet you where planning to serve a fine chilled chianti and some cocoa-flavored bon-bons - but take heed, my friends: see my words.  If you want to be truly kind, why not a chocolate krueller and a vine, aged bordough?  This week, at Dunkin' Donuts, they have HEART SHAPED DONUTS.  Which I have brought because I care for everyone! Heart shaped donuts are actually the ideal gift! Think about it!  It's like getting a box of chocolates, except the   box is made of edible unicorn rainbows and joy-infused sunshine rays!  Some are filled with a light, fluffy chocolate or vanilla cream (no Turk...

Friday, February 3rd, 2012          The Superbowl – a quintessential American event.  A staple of America for years upon years.  And like any American staple, where would it be without the food?  I think the Superbowl is probably one of the American events that most easily benefits from the invention of the bagel.          The bagel itself resembles a stadium in form, instantly offering a distinguishing factor   amongst other, lesser wheat based products.  They can be served with all manner of vegetable and cream cheese based dips.  When toasted, they become suitable for transporting salsas, bean dips, and various cheeses.  When sliced thin and baked, they   are great for your spicy three-cheese bean dips, hummus, and   clay pigeon target practice.          Perhaps the best use is the Pizza Bagel, which is probably the best ...

Friday, August 31st, 2011 Bagels.  Bagels are wonderful.  They enrich your life, they power your day.  However, sometimes you just need an upgrade!  We here at Digital Domain Labratories have been working tirelessly to bring you bagOLs 2.0.  Version 2.0 has a lot of fancy new features.  For one, it has more storage capacity (for you to upload various versions of CrEAM.ChE2se.yum files.)  Spread it across the Grid! For another, there are more versions!  In addition plain BagOLs, we have CinnamON v.2 rev 31, which contains an upgraded sugar and spice palet.  We have BBS systems, featuring a direct hardware bridge between BB (blueberry) and swirled bagel.  I don't know about you, but that sounds a lot better than a Blackberry or Ice Cream Sandwhich to me!  They also have jalapeñOS 1.2, which really do add a great deal of zest to an already powerful platform.  Not even Google has that magic! So enjoy your hardware r...

Friday, January 6th, 2011 WELCOME TO TRADITION!    This place is GREAT!  There's donut shaped lighting!  Have you had cereal yet?  There are windows! There's a huge green field I'm pretty sure was designed just for frolicking! Ample parking!  A full size, fully functional movie theater!  An airplane wing desk!  Cool faucets! Probably the most important addition is what I call the E.B.D.U. As I'm sure you've easily guessed, that stands for the Emergency Breakfast Dispersion Unit, which grants the user one free cereal per twist!  In other   words, in the event of a catastrophic donut failure, the eb-due can be used to provide either a   nutritious, functional breakfast OR   a sugary explosion - your choice.  Choose wisely, padawans.    I've seen Chex, Lucky Charms, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Cheerios* of several varieties, Frosted Flakes, and others I   am too excited to remember!  ...

 Friday, December 16th, 2011    Santa   Claus is an interesting dude by any standard.  He has 31 hours to work with thanks to the rotation of the earth, and in that time, he is able to visit 91.8 million homes (822.6 visits per second) across a distance of 75.5 million miles carrying roughly 321,300 tons of presents (one gift for each good child).  AND he gets pulled by only EIGHT reindeer (with Rudolph thrown in occasionally).  If this were an average sleigh with regular-grade flying reindeer, they would absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION JOULES OF ENERGY. Per second. Each. The average flying reindeer would be vaporized in 4.26 thousandths of a second, creating a deafening sonic boom in its wake.  Santa, on the other hand, would be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A svelt 250 pound non-magical grade Santa would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.     That sounds awe...