The Digital Domino

Well, years have passed since we were last all together for Digital Domain Donut Day - but I'd like to think that on days like today, we all sit back and remember the powdered puffs our pixelated pals provided. Obviously Digital Domain is gone - soon to be replaced by a church. This gave me an idea. Why not make Donut Day not just a national holiday, but a spiritual one?  We celebrate a multitude of spiritual holidays - ALL IN DECEMBER! Why not have one mid-year? On All-Donut's Eve, you could prepare the unleavened treats and reflect. That bit in the middle that's missing is symbolic of the small piece of all of us we seek our entire lives. That little thing that we lack.  The missing pastry is people, of course - your friends and family you love, but you've forgotten about since the previous serious of pastry packed holidays*! So what does that mean? Well, firstly, every other holiday has a meal - Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Seder all of dinners. Easter ...

It’s true. I have red hair. This has proved unfortunate. The sun and I don’t see eye to ‘x-class coronal mass ejection.’ The sun is more of a flame thrower stuck on the ‘red haired’ setting for me. I told you that so I could tell you this: BREAD. I brought it. But this is special holiday bread. You’ve guessed it. It’s gingerbread flavored bread, or gingerbread bread, which I guess means it’s really just gingerbread in the traditional sense, before gingerbread became a flavor and was just ginger* flavored bread. Or something. So yes, the rumors are true. I am the  ginger bread man . Anyway, enjoy this delicious holiday treat – best served hot with a cup of coffee or hot chocolate, but really quite delicious served cool. * DISCLAIMER: ChrisCo Baking Delivery, LLC makes no claim as to the authenticity of this ginger. It may very well be simply ‘ginger-flavored bread and not true gingerbread.’

Time to get fresh wit' it. It's been a year since the last donut day, and I imagine for many the memory of the event has faded to a dim memory. I'm here to bring those memories flooding back like a donut to the face shot from a tank full of monkeys while on fire, except more exciting and with sugar. FRIDAY DONUT DAY! Now it's a once-a-year NATIONAL HOLIDAY TRADITION! Honor this day! This is a time to remember donut days past - peer through the donut hole back in time and remember the donuts.  Sure, there were a lot of them, but I bet you don't really remember them - instead you remember the friend who dropped one in the server room that accidentally caused the Isilon server to lose 20% of its storage space, or the one the one you had outside while smoking with your friends that accidentally caught on fire, or the one you and your friends shot with a gun and totally scored a bullseye with, if only there had been some dough up in that nut!  But there wasn't! ...

   Prehistoric man ate his food raw or cooked it over an big open flame as is.  And that was delicious.  Perhaps he even had the good sense to avoid grilled broccoli, because it's a strange food that looks a lot more like an alien's baby than a cruciferous vegetable.  That's the same group as cabbage, and nobody grills cabbage.      It's been a long while since I've been grilling, so my meat has primarily come in two forms: possibly still alive and under cooked enough to escape and extra blackened charcoal briquette.  Furthermore, when I attempted to use cedar chips to 'smoke' my grilled meats, I was at first excited by the concept - at least I'd have hickory smoked charcoal briquettes. This suddenly recalls to me the first martian probe launch, when they did the landing calculations in feet and programmed the lander in meters and that sucker buried. While possibly not as expensive, the mistake was of the same magnitude.  I now had 'Wo...

There will be no donuts this day, not for lack of trying, but I have simply run into a rather practical issue - I can't hold any. Saying I am at capacity wouldn't quite be accurate.  Based on the discomfort and the trouble I've been having disconnecting my butt from various sitting surfaces, I'd say that I have exceeded capacity. Food levels are at around 326%.  You'd think that number would slowly fall.  But no. This is a holiday. That number continues to rise.  Breakfast cinnamon roles and leftovers.  Sandwiches made from leftovers.  Leftovers cannibalized from some else's leftover leftovers.  When you're resorting to the cannibalisms, it may be time to admit to yourself that you have a problem.   Meanwhile, I need to drop a few pounds, and by a few, I mean roughly twenty pounds, seven of which is solid potato, plus an additional, say, four pounds gained yesterday (and clearly not burned off during my brief attempt to shop, whic...

    Alas, today the Twinkie company died.  Hostess is now gone.   Sadly, the grieving company's best cushion was the Twinkies they so lovingly made. This makes me unendingly sad.  My children will probably never know what a Twinkie was or what it means to the world.     Today is the 16th of November. We've all spent a lot of time seeking new jobs after our own company fell, and we've all been watching the news as everything we worked for is being sliced up into little pieces for sale. I'm not happy about this. The Article: http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/breaking/chi-hostess-brands-seeks-court-permission-to-liquidate-20121116,0,3175964.story    I'm not sure what Twinkies were filled with.  I'm not sure what the cake was made from, but I implore you, do not let Twinkie die a slow death.  Let Twinkie live on, I say!  May it's foodstuffs ever be remembered in the songs of Legend!  Heavenly cream made from the v...

Another week of staring at my email. Another week waffling between 'yea, I could totally be captain of a tall ship for a living' and 'I'm not qualified to be a janitor in an abandoned sewer pipe. I don't know what to do!'  That's all been fun. But, there's still the poor man's donut.  Little Debbie, bless her ageless face and stupid hat, she sits on the box of a hundred different snacks that will be here long after mankind has nuked itself into oblivion and cockroaches have started to set up crude democratic republics across our sprawling land.  Little Debbie has the aptly named donut stick.  They come in a plastic package, a window into another world - a world where donuts are FOREVER. Look at that box.  Doesn't that look delicious? A perfect cup of coffee in a perfect mug, next to a pair of donuts.  I imagine kids, in their infinite wisdom, complained about the missing bit in the middle - they wanted a whole donut.  So the company wise...