Cloudy with a chance of Dough Flurries

Friday, July 22nd, 2011

So... it's been warm.

     Not just a little bit warm, though. HOT. Also, muggy! The coin-operated vending machines, much to my chagrin, don't serve what we southerners affectionately refer to as 'barely pop,' a much-desired treat for some during these Dog Day afternoons.  It's also been warm inside, thanks to a comically ill-timed partial failure of our air conditioning systems.  To give you an idea of how serious it is, my hair isn't red, it's sunburned.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that at some point during my weekend at the beach, even my liver got sunburned.  I've accepted that, as a half Irish, half Scottish American living in Florida, I come in two flavors: regular and extra crispy.*

     The weatherman here is of absolutely no help whatsoever**.  I have to check the weather about six times a day. Each time, I get a different and amusingly inaccurate forecast. Here in Port St. Lucie, 50% chance of rain means they halfway think that they may or may not be able to consider confirming in the near or distant future that there may or may not be the possibility of some type of precipitation perhaps (or perhaps not) occurring or not occurring during the general part of the day-ish time of night. Or something. And that's just for rain. I love reading the mosquito forecast. It's a little like reading Revelations in the bible.

     Maybe it will be hot! But that's okay, because it will be dry! But if it rains, it will be humid again! But then it won't be sunny and you won't go outside anyway! But it won't be so hot until it gets muggy after the rain that may or may not come. Thinking about that pulled a muscle in my brain.

     Is it going to rain? Is it not going to rain? I don't know! I looked at the sky... no rain. Weatherman? LOTS OF RAIN. Then I go outside, it's kinda raining, but not really, maybe it's raining in half the parking lot and not the other half... I don't even know what to wear... shorts, rain boots, kilt, nothing's right. Looking out the window and guessing whether or not it's going to rain is like watching that movie 'The Fountain' or the last season of 'Lost.' You can stare at it 1,000 times, but in the end, it will just turn your hair a dapper shade of silver and shave a few years of canasta off your life.

     My suggestion? Bring sunglasses, sip on some lemonade and don't worry. Included in this week's offertory meal will be some cooling, soothing treats.

Also, Captain America arrives in theaters today, so there are also a few Captain America donuts. Donuts are hot stuff,  but a little drizzle of chocolate and a few light sprinkles can be a refreshing summer treat!

So we have:

A sprinkling of donuts (maybe a few polar-bearclaws)

Some delicious OJ, flavored with sunshine (also oranges, probably)

A flurry of muffins (with a dusting of walnuts in some areas)

Some snow-white milk

Some cool, refreshing fruitstuffs

A bolt of éclairs

Other weather-related foods***

*Also sometimes I come in seasonal bubblegum and/or yam flavors

**I suppose he's fun if you enjoy fiction.

***choose your own adventure