Everything but the Kitchen Donut


Friday, March 9th, 2012

I've decided to give myself a raise and a promotion.  As I'm the only one in the donut department, I am the head of the donut department - and as head of the donut department, I feel my staff has performed above expectations.  I think I'll be the Executive Managing Director of Donut Operations, which gives me domain over most of the donut related decisions.  Maybe I should be Chief Executive Managing Director of Global Donut Operations just to be sure. Or maybe I should future-proof the job title so I'm the Chief Managing Director of Interplanetary Donut Operations.  Or maybe I'll just bypass all of that, and any necessary political permits or paperwork inherent to interplanetary travel and quarantine laws and simply become Lord of Donuts.  I'll think on it.  Meanwhile, I've definitely earned my 1.5 pastry/month salary increase.

I've brought tasty treats, I've provided variety, I've streamlined the process, and I've negotiated with various vendors to reduce cost, increase quality, and glaze, frost, & sprinkle thoroughly.
Primarily however, I've written emails that have increased donut excitement by 234 happy units /month but leveled donut consumption to 1.25/person.

It's the writing that I'd like to discuss today. We are offering classes here at Digital Domain!  Now that I'm a fancy-pants executive, they've asked that I pass my knowledge along to you. Since I don't actually have any real knowledge, I'm going to teach Creative Writing* instead!

This won't be writing for Social Media, as film professionals are want to do - though I can teach that very quickly:

How to Write for Social Media:
Twitter:                I am eating a #donut
Facebook:       Best donuts ever.  CLike
Foursquare:     This is where I eat donuts
Instagram:      Here's a vintage photo of my donut
YouTube:        Here I am eating a donut
Linkedin:       My skills include donut eating
Pintrest:       Here's a donut recipe
LastFM:         Now I'm listening to "Donuts, Go Nuts!"
Google+:        I'm a Google Employee who eats donuts

Regardless, there will be many sign-up sheets!  Come rush the coolest classes and activities around! We have acting classes, yarn classes, sculpting classes, and of course, Creative Writing!  Come sign up!
*Asterisks not included

J. Christopher Scott
Donut Something or Other

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Star Wars Celebration Orlando 2017, or What It's Like When a Nerd Takes Acid

Image
I went to Star Wars Celebration, and I feel the need to tell you about it and provide you with an honest, clear review of this event. You have been warned. Firstly, are you a fan of Star Wars ? I don't mean "Yes, I saw some of those. They were good." I'm not referring to the people who have seen each and every single film, some more than once. I'm not even talking to people who have a plush taun-taun, or that 'one really rad shirt from the first film in Japanese.' If you are one of these people, congratulations, you are well adjusted, have a strong appreciation for a culturally significant movie, and probably go to therapy for other reasons. Also, if you're a casual fan and live nearby, sure, give it a shot, maybe take a day trip to check some stuff out. If you wake up every morning in Star Wars sheets and eat Kellogg's C-3PO's  from a vintage 1997 Special Edition Re-Release Box with a light up lightsaber spork, DO I H
Read more

TESLA REVIEW PART II: THE ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Image
PART I: THE BASICS Now we're on to the ACTUAL REVIEW! What's it like to drive a Tesla, for the average joe? I'm not a man who drives a BMW 3 series, or a Mercedes, or an Audi. Or a Lexus. Or an Acura. I don't have the latest Mazda 6 series. I have a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD Honda Accord. I imagine a large number of Tesla drivers will be coming from a similar experience - so I want to share what it's like moving from a car to an electric-powered rocket with wheels, airbags, and the most advanced cupholders I've ever seen. Here's the car. It's smaller than I thought, has no power, and I can't get the trunk open. A model Model 3. If I paid it to wear clothes, It would be a model model Model 3. As for the ACTUAL car: First, you gotta get INTO the thing. You walk up to it with cellphone in pocket, push in on a block bit which pops the handle out, pull the handle, and climb in. So far, I've noticed that this works 95% of the time. 5% of the time
Read more

Spanish for Donut

I'm BACK!  After several weeks of long, long hours at a fun, but unfortunately short term position, I have returned to my roots! Unfortunately, I can't tell you where I was working, not because of the project I was working on - because the position I had (special kind of Production Assistant based around intellectual property security). I CAN tell you that it was in Miami. And I learned some things there.  Something important and breakfast related.  Churros. Those are delicious. It's like a single donut stick - a Mexican donut-saber.  It's an oddly long and amazingly delicious treat. Churros are served hot - the outside is awesomely crispy, covered in a stardust-type sprinkle of cinnamon and sugar, and the inside is a melty, doughy blend of amazing deliciousness. You should go get one of these right now, for two reasons.  Firstly, because based on their addictive nature, I have to at least guess that somewhere in that cinnamon sugar mix is crystal meth or some other
Read more