IMPORTANT! Foodstuffs Related Note

Important:*

Good Morning, everyone. Today, I come to you not just as a professional Muffin Man, but as a citizen of the world and fellow enjoyer of muffins.  Various comments have been made to management about both the rate of donut consumption and the general cleanliness of the donut receptacle area.  This is a plea to you, good citizens of Muffindom.  If the chaos in the kitchen continues, Donut day will be discontinued and replaced with some mundane strictly regulated day, like, 'free plastic utensil day.'  And thus, Donut Day may fall into legend**.  So here are a few helpful pointers to help everyone out.  This will be a long list of complicated, multifaceted demands, so read on, good citizen, and heed my words.  I implore thee, Muffiners... heed:

1.) Don't take too many muffins/donuts. When your boss shows up and sees that there are no muffins/donuts to be had, he or she isn't going to be happy.  That means when he or she sits down to review your clip/storyboard/shot/donut related email, they are already going to be in a bad mood.  And then they're gonna see your sugary treat, boil over with rage, and give you a big ole' red 'unapproved' stamp on your shot, muffin expense report, or other work you've done (not really, but you get the idea***). Err on the side of safety. Leave the extra donuts.

2.) Throw stuff away. If you deplete a donut reservoir, please observe the following guidelines - The First: You walked like, 20+ yards to the kitchen. When you deplete the donut/fruit/jam box, you will in all probability be standing DIRECTLY OVER THE BOX. So you're already in range of the receptacle. The Second: HARNESS THE POWER OF THE DONUT.  Use that energized sugar rush!  Let your arms fall to the level of the donut box (easy), and then snag that sucker with your hand(s)(somewhat more difficult). Walk, I dunno, six to ten feet to the provided decorative garbage disposal units (DIFFICULT!) and then discontinue expending the energy you WERE using to HOLD the box! In other words... relax, exhale slowly, and carefully drop the box into the can.  This rule applies double for napkins.  Those weigh less than a t-shirt and I have SEEN you guys carry those upon your shoulders!

3.) Keep the floor clean. If something falls on the floor, clean up any resulting spillage and dispose of the refuse in a waste paper receptacon.****  The only thing you may pour on the floor is a cleaning solution, and this may only be done if you are a board-certified sanitation engineer and you have both a mop and one of those hilarious yellow signs with a picture of some poor schmuck about to crack his tailbone over the black line.

*I just discovered that I can send email with high importance.  Look upon my great red exclamation point, ye mighty, and despair!

** Between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis, and the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an age undreamed of. And unto this, [Donut], destined to wear the jeweled crown of [sprinkles] upon a [chocolate glaze]. It is I, his chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his saga! Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!

*** I put this in parenthesis because I really didn't want to add another asterisk.

****Possible form for the creator of Choctamus Prime.  Still he hides among us, living in secret.