Patriot Donut


Friday, July 1st, 2011

Hello All!
   Firstly, congratulations on a job well done!  I couldn't be prouder of the work we've all done here.  Transformers had the four food groups of movies: robots, explosions, and spaceships -- occasionally interspersed with a giant laser-beam blasting all manner of objects into a fine, particulate mist.  I don't know what else you could possibly want in a movie, except for maybe aliens and/or astronaut cameos - but that film DELIVERS -- Just like the Muffin Man.  Plus SPOCK plays a robot dude with glowy laser-swords?  Epic.

   On to business:  You are all super heroes. As such, I have just discovered that there is now a CAPTAIN 'FREAKIN AMERICA DONUT.  And you must have this.  Because I have to imagine that Captain America would be a member of the Foodstuffs Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division - a true officer of F.I.E.L.D. --although I'm dubious to just how super the Cap'n would be if he were constantly munching down jelly filled, star-shaped frosted donuts with sprinkles.*  So please enjoy one with your coffee.**

   There will also be some fruits and vegetables.  But I can't seem to find bulk oranges or orange-like fruitstuffs.  They did have lemons - and when life gives you lemons, make lemonade***!  So I brought in some of that, as well!  But the majority of the foodstuffs will be donuts.  That's what the people want, and I'm sure that's what Spocktobot would want, too.****

   Also, I hope you all kept an eye out for Choctomus Prime, because I'm pretty sure that particular Autobot was there somewhere!*****

  Have a great Fourth of July!

*Nothing says 'America' like a jelly filled, star-shaped white frosted donut with red, white, and blue star sprinkles. Well, almost nothing.  A fourth of July American flag cake probably says 'America' about the same as a star shaped Jelly filled donut. 
**Not in a RED cup.  This is clearly the YELLOW cup floor.  Total anarchy!
***All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. Get mad! I Don't want your damn lemons! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give THE MUFFIN MAN LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M THE MAN WHO'S GONNA DESTROY YOU! WITH THE LEMONS! I'M GOING TO GET I.T. TO ENGINEER COMBUSTABLE, WEAPONIZED LEMONS!
****Because the needs of the man outweigh the needs of the few.
*****It just occurred to me - what if Choctomus Prime actually transformed INTO the chocolate Autobot?  I mean - the one that we ate?  That would be a tragedy!  On the upside, that would mean that we are all now part robot. I hope I develop frickin' laser beams and rocket shoulder pads.  Those are in right now.

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