Donutus Maximus

Friday, June 3rd, 2011

Donuts will be deployed in approximately 10 minutes!

Before I begin today, I'd like to say a special thanks to Mark Blakey, who got us the extra toasters we now enjoy in the break room and who continues to help supply items like napkins, forks, spoons, and knives, and bicycle racks! Without his help, donut and other cup, plate, and napkin-based holidays wouldn't be possible!  So a big round of applause for him!

I'd also like to thank whichever person (or Autobot) brought the chocolate covered goods!  It certainly wasn't me, and to my knowledge, no one has come forward to accept credit.  I can only surmise that it was Choctamus Prime, who has sincetransformed back into his human/workstation/antique Powerbook G5 form and now lives among us in secret.  So thank you, Choctamus Prime.  There is more than meets the eye...with you.

Now to bring things full circle:  As noted yesterday, today is National Donut Day! We would love for you all to celebrate this fabulous holiday with us! Donut* Day is a day that can be enjoyed by men and women, large and small, of all types and varieties!  Revel in the jubilance!  As per usual, there are a few additional items to add a splash of color and flavor to your morning:

[insert foodstuffs here]

Also, I'd like to ask again that you please make sure that you take only the number of donuts you need. Sure, woofing three donuts in the first ten minutes of work will provide a sugar rush that will turbo-charge your body with energy.  No doubt you will work so fast your body will glow with heat in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the Earth's atmosphere.  However, this causes three very seriously problems. Firstly, your fleshy, meat-based body will vaporize in 4.26 thousandths of a second at those work speeds.  Secondly, even though you'll accomplish almost THRICE your regular amount of work that first hour, once the sugar rush passes, you'll only be able to accomplish roughly half that of a normal artist, even with coffee thrown in.  Thirdly, some of your colleagues,  the men and women you depend on every day to help you and your team complete projects may not get a donut or other sugar-based adrenaline pump.  On this Donut Day, a day of sharing, be kind to your fellow employee, and please, for pete's sake (and the cleaning crews) don't vaporize yourself over a double or (dare I speak it) triple donut binge. Seriously. I've been advised there could be a Donut Oversight Committee or Regulatory Dept. or some such!  Donuts just want to be free, yo!

One additional note: As per employee request, we are now also accepting both double rainbows and miniaturized ARC reactors in compensation for foodstuffs.  All-Spark Cubes and any 'Matrix of Leadership**' you may have are still worthless to us.

Thank you, Rotobot Splines, and good day!

*For the grammar aficionados, I have chosen 'donut' over the standard American English version, 'Doughnut' because it's easier to spell and has fewer letters to type.

**These are terrible, terrible references to the first two Transformers movies, for which I apologize on behalf of the staff.