Fresh from the Market


Friday, August 17th, 2012

Bagels.  You know what those look like? Today, they look like money.  So let’s talk about that for today.  What is a bagel worth, exactly?  Well, first we have to figure out what the currency of the land here abouts is.  What does one trade bagels for?  I gather  the answer is happy points, as gnome ears and double rainbows are rather difficult to come by, particularly in the treasure coast, mostly due to the lack of dragons and Indian restaurants.  Based on those variables, we can ascertain that a bagel is worth approximately 13.5 happy points, which means you trade bagels for happiness.  Those who hold bagels hold happiness. Due to the fluctuations in the market, this can range between 11.367 and 18.5 when the (S)ugar & (P)astry* 500 is up, the immutable laws of supply and demand, and the current state of the advanced toaster engineering market (which is excellent this year, by the way).
 
I know what you’re thinking. How can I get in on this action?  Invest, friends!  But not just in bagels – in Cream Cheese as well. You want a full, happy portfolio!  Your portfolio should be contented!  When you’ve finished, there should be no room for broccoli, shellfish, bubble-gum ice cream, or other breakfast foods.  You should feel settled in!

The best part?  Once consumed, those happy points belong to you!  They don’t go away!  No reason to stock up, but do go grab one! The market can bear it!
 
So enjoy, everyone!
 
*Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the NasSnaq, as that is primarily concerned with prepackaged, not fresh made, bagels.

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