Life, the Bagelverse, and Everything


Friday, March 16th, 2012

So thinking on a job title, I decided that I could never really be at the very top - primarily because I'm not omnipotent.  Small doughballs grow up to be something fancy, much like a Lord of All Bageldom might have done.  However, none reach so high or go so far as the near-omnipotent everything bagel.

   The everything bagel is, by its very nature, all knowing.  It has all knowledge and wisdom.  It knows what's going to happen before it happens and is aware of events so far in the past they came long before the beginnings of what we call the universe*.

   Thinking more on it, does it not resemble a galaxy, dotted with sesame stars and onion asteroids!  They swirl across their superstructure!  How grand is that?  Given these facts, is it really so hard to believe that the everything bagel knows who's going to win next year's Oscar, what you had for breakfast, the atomic weight of cobalt, and how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop.  The everything bagel *CAN* believe it's not real butter.  The everything bagel could easily count to infinity.  Twice.  Such is it's power.

   I know what you're thinking.  If the everything bagel DOES know the answers to the great questions in life, why not ask the everything bagel the answers to these great questions.  I get that question a lot.  The answer, of course, is that bagels can't talk.  That would just be crazy.

*The everything bagel would tell you it's the bagel verse. 

J. Christopher Scott
Lord of Greater Bageldom

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