*Some Assembly Required

Friday, August 27th, 2012

We've discussed where donuts come from, and where donuts are from, and how donuts get here, and the many unusual ways donuts arrive here - what we haven't discussed is where all those pieces and parts used to assemble a donut come from - in a way, it is pretty amazing that a bunch of piles of different goo, powder, and grainy bits become a foodstuff.  Let's investigate, shall we?

Enriched Wheat Flour (made with malted barley):  This ingredient comes from a pauper flower, who was once poor, but accumulated great wealth, (we should all be so lucky as to be enriched) probably in the form of pollen, but also possibly with Converse High-Tops, a widely excepted currency among flora and fauna in these regions. Like Robin Hood, we at Digital Domain Foodstuffs Group rob from the enriched and give to YOU! In any case, one can surmise that a fine summer ale was poured over the pauper, likely to honor the friends that couldn't be with him.  

Leavening:  Comes from a blue jean colored flower called Levi's, however, to mitigate the color, donut makers usually have their Levi's on corn ears, which of course are often converted to syrup form.

Dextrose:  Clearly, a nimble, proficiently trained form of rose.  Possibly good at martial arts, basketweaving, or some other form of skilled labor.

Beta Carotene:  I believe these are test versions of baby carrots, developed using a sophisticated cloning system.

Sugar:  A sweet, tasty substance used in the creation of pretty much everything except traffic tickets, shoe pebbles, and the majestic mosquito, along with several other less pleasant, annoying things across the globe.  Made from sunshine, triple rainbows, and a few droplets of Weekend Vacation we all donate when we mop the floor after spilling milkshake, tequila, or motor oil somewhere in the kitchen.

There are lots of others, like Riboflavin, which I think comes from robot tears, but may also from Frog Wings or some other highly unusual source, like possibly Montana, but this should give you a pretty good idea of where this stuff comes from.

J. Christopher Scott

Donut Enrichment Specialist

Digital Domain Media Group