Friday Breakfast


Friday, June 17th, 2011

Fellow Students of the [Pastry] World,
  
   have enjoyed serving as your Muffin Man and Donut Delivery Deity. However, those aren't titles I asked for.  Like Atlas before me, I have hefted a great, roundish-shaped weight upon my shoulders for the benefit of all mankind.  However, the responsibility has become too great for any one individual.  In my time on the Safety committee, I realized we needed a back-up plan in case the Muffin Man were ever incapacitated.* 

   Thus, I've created the Food Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division, or F.I.E.L.D. for short. This crack squad ofsavvy, motivated personnel will serve as the right arm of the Muffin Man.  Now, I enjoy my title. But I did not ask for it.  The title of Muffin Man was thrust upon me.  Now, it is time that I do the same for others.  Whilst in the kitchen tomorrow, be on the lookout for both Bagel Boy and The Granola Girls.**  Armed with croissant shaped boomerangs, look for them wherever breakfast treats are delivered.  In the event of a disaster situation***, these individuals will activate the E.M.S or Emergency Muffin System / Elite Muffin Squad (choose your acronym) and serve as replacements in the event I am otherwise unable to perform my duties.

   I admit freely that I have a personal reason for sharing the responsibility.  I've heard of one too many people cursing my name early Saturday mornings whilst pedaling furiously upon a stationary bike.  Donut rage is a real danger, and I figure spreading the responsibility increases my odds of survival.

   However, I am not without a heart.  None of the Bear-Claw Battalion deserve malice.  We're here to serve YOU!  As such, this week, I will be providing nutritious milk, yogurt, berries, Honey Bunches of Oats (tasty alternative to granola!) and other healthier snack options to pay for the sins of National Donut Day, "Muffin Madness 2K11."

    In addition, Mark Blakey has purchased an additional toaster for the upstairs accounting/Textor office kitchen so that everyone might be able to enjoy delicious toast!

So enjoy, fellow Muffineers****!  The clean plates I want to see should have once held jelly filled delights!

*Sugar coma, probably.
**They call this schadenfruede in Germany. Roughly translated, taking pleasure in the misfortune of others.
***Muffin Meltdown, Donut Disaster, Zombie Apocalypse, KISS concert, sequel to Smurfs, Gigli, etc. etc.
****Schadenfruede.

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