Candy Corn on the Cob

Sure it sounds healthy, but it isn't. It is currently about 8 o'clock in the morning and I've already eaten more candy than in the previous year combined.  A handful of Fun Size Snickers, a handful of Three Musketeers, some Milky Ways, pretty much anything I could stuff down into my ever expanding stomach.
But DAMN that candy is good.  There are multiple tiers of Halloween candy, and name candy is at the top.  Whoever invented the Snicker's bar is brilliant and deserves the bazillion dollars he or she is probably earning.  It has chocolate that's sweet mixed with salty peanuts. It's chewy, but the peanuts also make it crunchy, and it has a savory nougat in the middle. It is by far the Swiss Army Candy.  You can put it on a stick and bake it, you can throw em' in ice cream, in cookies, you can bread and deep fry em' and they never get worse.  Too use a Halloween-type metaphor, it's like took a peanut shotgun and blasted the hell out of your best, most delicious nougat friend, leaving him to bleed out caramel until the doctor shows up and bandages the whole thing with chocolate.
There are other brilliant candies, as well - M&M's are perfect for disguising a lot of chocolate as a few little chocolates, so you can eat entire candybars and still think to yourself 'this is just a few little tiny chocolate bites! No harm there!'  When you're done and you don't want to eat anymore candy, a few Jolly Ranchers and some Butterfingers will make sure that mouth is glued tighter than the pants at a Disco party.
My personal favorite, however, is Twix. I  guess it's because I love shortbread, and then they just through some chocolate and caramel up in there (as Candy Makers are want to do). It almost tastes like a delicious tea-stirring stick.  And tea is healthy. So I should feel good about it.
Now I before I run off to the gym for the seven hours its going to take to burn off the giant candy load in my tum, I guess we should all talk about the Wampa in the room.  I am referring, of course, the news that the Emperor has dissolved the illusion of multiple companies competing for your childhood dollars memories. When I was a kid, I loved Star Wars. I loved X-Men. I loved the Incredibles (though by then I was really just a young man with a child's mind, throwing back a couple of Bud Light's while sitting in a college buddy's studio apartment on a futon of questionable cleanliness discussing the finer points of altruism in a superhero universe that may or may not be linked by a Pizza company to talking toys).  Now, all of these companies - awesome, mind bogglingly brilliant companies I have since my very earliest years of childhood wished to work for, have been reorganized into the FIRST GALACTIC EMPIRE.  Goofy will now represent an important council race within the galactic senate. Womp Rats are really just what people on Tattooine will call Mickey's race.  Delicious lightsaber candy cane's will b available to all.  Princess Leia will be at Disney world, but never in a metal bikini, because children's mind's would explode.  And every soda machine in the galaxy will charge $3.50 for a  12 ounce Coca-Cola, which will come in either a lightsaber-shaped collectible glass or a Thermal Detonator, wine-glass style size.  There will be white, grape flavored ICEE's, as well.  These will come out of squeeze bottles shaped like lightsabers that will be hanging from the ceiling of drink huts in Hoth Land, and they will be called something like Echo Base Wampa Berry Blasts. Or something.
I'm really okay with all of this. Sure, whatever. Lets all be part of one big happy family.  This entertainment company will have a near unlimited about of capital.  And if it's all going to be about selling overpriced treats to the masses, I know a guy who might be able to write Lightsaber Churros into a script somewhere.
In the meantime, I'm off to diet. I've had way to much candy, so perhaps I'll enjoy myself a Snicker's Lite, also known as a Milky Way - the only galaxy for fans of the many worlds Far, Far Away...